Salak South Toll - to be demolished

[News taken from Sin Chew Daily 24 Feb 2009

（吉隆坡）《星洲日報》探悉，工程部長拿督斯里莫哈末再因將在週二（2月24日）宣佈拆除吉隆坡新街場大道（BESRAYA）位於沙叻秀來回方向的沙叻再也收費站。這是工程部繼2月13日宣佈廢除新班底大道位於PJU2往吉隆坡方向的收費站後，巴生河流域第2個被當局宣佈廢除的收費站。.....]

Another toll to be demolished and stop collection. This is good news to all drivers that using that route daily.

Lawyers... oh! Lawyers

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
***
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
***
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?'
***
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
***
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
***
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
***
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Is this a trick question?
***
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
***
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
***
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
***
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
***
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
***

And the > best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes,it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

"FAIR"!!

MACC always been fair

Written by zen
Monday, 23 February 2009 00:09
Datuk Seri Ahmad Said Hamdan, the chief commissioner of the MACC (Malaysian Anti Corruption Commission) has slammed the Pakatan Rakyat for claiming that the agency is practicing double standards. He said "This is normal of them. When the spotlight is on their leaders, they will stop at nothing to accuse us of double standards, selective prosecution and so onTo them, whatever we do or say is always not right," said a senior official who did not want to be named.” Another MACC official supported the opinion saying that “We have always been fair. Although this can affect the government's image, a lot of government officers, including senior police officers and ministers, have been arrested and charged with bribery. He was merely answering their questions. Since becoming the ACA director-general in 2007, the media-friendly Datuk Seri (Ahmad Said) has never failed to answer all questions posed by reporters, regardless of the sensitivity of cases. We do not pick and choose. Whoever commits corruption, we will come in, regardless of political parties or affiliations." -Zen, MalaysiaToday

****************************************************

Moral : not all government department work very slow one... sometimes they "are" really perform....right??

How should I do to marry a rich guy?

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I' m going to say here. I' m 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with$500k annual salary or above. You might say that I 'm greedy, but an annualsalary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of$500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I doto marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someoneis going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New YorkCity Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the namesand addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I 've met a few girls who doesn 't have looks and are not interesting, but they areable to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be yourgirlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

Here 's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyzeyour situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than$500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marryyou. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside,what you 're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty ' and 'money ' Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.However, there ' s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but mymoney will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can 't be prettier year afteryear. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset,and you are a depreciation asset. It ' s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will bemuch worried 10 years laterBy the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, datingwith you is also a ' trading position' . If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term ... samegoes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, butin order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or ' lease' . Anyone with over $500k annual income is not afool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice thatyou forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.Hope this reply helps.

If you are interested in ' leasing' services, do contact me signed, J.P. Morgan

BUSINESS LOGICS

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: 'I will choose my own bride!'
Father: 'But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.'
Son: 'Well, in that case...ok'
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: 'I have a husband for your daughter.'
Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!'
Father: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.'
Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case...ok'
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'
President: 'But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!'
Father: 'But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.'
President: 'Ah, in that case...ok'
This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitudeshould be positive

from Ah-Sun: National Pride

This is Malaysia - and you should know

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:
Ajinomoto

NATIONAL INSTANT FOOD:
Maggi Mee

NATIONAL BREAKFAST:
Nasi Lemak

NATIONAL LUNCH:
Nasi Ayam

NATIONAL SUPPER:
Roti Canai & Teh Tarik

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:
Traffic Jam

NATIONAL CONDOM:
None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms. So they rushed into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.

NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION:
Pineapple

NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK:
Stout. Many Malaysian men swear by it. But then after a few pints they start swearing at everything.. .

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):
Food Poisoning

NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN):
Menstrual Pain

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, food not digested yet, aircond not cold enough, air-cond too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy, stomach cramps, period, haven ' t remove make-up, haven ' t shower, no water supply, going to watch "Santa Barbara ", depressed, no mood, etc...

NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHOEA :
Cap Kaki Tiga. Down one bottle with warm water and you are all "dried up".

NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:
Panadol. The "cure for all". If it fails we have another secret weapon - Tiger Balm.

NATIONAL CURE FOR NAUSEA :
Moh Fah Kor.

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:
Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.

NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours.

NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
The sight of a police road block.

NATIONAL RICE COOKER :
NATIONAL Rice Cooker

NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:
Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.

NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:
Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4!

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING NICE:
Running For UMNO

NATIONAL ANSWER FOR "WHERE ARE YOU"?:
-on the way.

NATIONAL OFFICIAL TIME FOR BEING LATE:
-10 minutes

NATIONAL REASON FOR PRICE INCREASE:
Petrol naik lagi kawan... semua barang pun kena naik ler... inclusive of chicken meat? :)

NATIONAL REASON FOR PETROL INCREASE:
Still cheaper than other country la....

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR CAUSING TRAFFIC JAM:
there was accident on the other side of the road.. of course must slow down and tengok-tengok, kaypoh-kaypoh lah!

NATIONAL REASON WHEN REJECTING INVITATION :
'I got some work to do la..u all go first la..'

NATIONAL REASON FOR COLLAPSED BUILDINGS & LEAKY PARLIAMENT ROOFS:
An act of God. Definitely nothing to with greased palms and poor quality control. Nope, none whatsoever.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR IRRESPONSIBLE POLITICAL STATEMENTS:
None. We were misquoted.

NATIONAL MINISTERIAL REASON FOR INCREASING TOLL RATES:
Orang cakap mau naik mesti mau naik lah! Lu ingat ini jalan saya punya bapak punya kah?!

NATIONAL REASON FOR HAVING BIG ONION DOMES ON TAXPAYER-FUNDED PUBLIC BUILDINGS:
....dunno. (It's not as if we're anywhere near the middle east.)

NATIONAL REASON FOR SPURNING BAILOUT PACKAGES FROM FOREIGN CAR COMPANIES:
We're about to unveil another badly designed low budget car, which, coupled with our notorious customer service and corporate mismanagement, will see us bankrupt again within the next 5 years. And so we have absolutely no need for the Germans and their silly car-making and market-positioning knowhow, thank you very much.

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR JUMPING QUEUE (TRAFFIC JAM OR WHAT EVER QUEUE):
..... everybody doing what lah............

NATIONAL EXCUSE NOT PAYING SAMAN ACCORDING TO DUE DATE:
Relax ler... government will give discount one of these days

NATIONAL EXCUSE TO BRIBE (ANY CONDITION):
........ give them minum kopi lar......

[（霹靂‧怡保）退出行動黨，成為親國陣的獨立州議員許月鳳的住家週日（2月8日）下午遭人丟雞蛋和撒冥錢，相信是要藉此發泄他們對許月鳳的不滿。
當記者詢問許月鳳的鄰居時，他們對此不知情，只指數名男子週日下午約4時，在許月鳳的住家面前丟雞蛋和撒一堆冥錢，停留數十秒便離開。

News from Sin Chew Daily dated 02-09-2009]

On the day of Chap-Goh-Mei, Mrs H house was gifted with eggs and hell-notes from the hell bank. The neighbours have become deaf and blind, all they worry about is they hope those who wanted to give a gift, try not to give to the wrong house. For me who grow up in a kampung (in ipo too...LOL), I'm have no difficulty imaging all the Ah-So and Ah-Suk, cursing the family starting from 18 generations of the ancestors until the next 3 generations, during CNY somemore...huhuhu. If time should turn back, do you think the same decision will be made???

Marriage (Part I )

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said: 'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

Management Story No. 2

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter.

Along comes a fox, out for a walk.


Fox: "What are you working on?"


Rabbit: "My thesis."


Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"


Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"

Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"


Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."


Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"


Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"


The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.


Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?"


Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."

Bear: "Well that's absurd !"


Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"


Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.


Moral: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.



Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT